Hold My Breath

I've been gone for around 3 months from this blog, so sorry for being inactive here, but these past few month I'd like to be thankful I were (kinda) so busy and productive, thanked God, He gave quite much jobs and projects, from the endorsement projects, photo shoot jobs, and started my presenter, host projects, it was a good new start for me, and I'm glad I can rely on myself more and saving up my money more for my own needs. I'm happy I could be the independent me, making a life for myself, tried to travel around by myself several times while doing works too, I'd like to be thankful for all small things I achieved and had for myself, and I'd like to believe that it was a good start of my life.

Even actually, I wanna say like.. I'm tired of living. Have you ever had this kind of feelings? I just wanna say I'm tired, of all things in my life. It hurts that you realized if your mind starts getting messier, and you can not fix and finish those things yourself. If you or others asked why, what happened? I'll just simply answer, "I don't know", because that's the fact, I don't know anymore with myself, my life, I'm just so messed up, worried, afraid, depressed. Ya, I'm just a human in the end, I can be depressed and stressed too, so I admit it here. 

I got hurt by people too, that used to be my closest circles, by lied, betrayed me, and many bad things happened in the past. Even I know that I already did my best and try to treasure people I thought I could believe to, but the end always sucks, ya, in the end we are all only humans, who make mistakes and sins, and it made me being more introvert, to guard myself from those who tried to hurt me. I'd rather be honest in all things I like or dislike, because being lied to is hurt, and until this second, I'm still trying to hold my breath, even it's difficult, so difficult.

Maybe you'll start having bad impression about me after I told you this kind of story, but I'd like to say that I'll keep trying to continue, and I wish that the suicidal thoughts on my head will disappear. Even I dunno how to get rid of this and how to handle me and my thoughts, I'll just live my life with my best...around this toxic, cruel, tough world.

This is supposed to be an ootd post like usual, but this blog, since almost 8 years ago, already became my online diary and life journal too as well. And maybe you, my readers and friends who read this. I just like to say thanks for stopping here, and maybe read my stupid words, still, thank you even I dunno exactly who you are.

I'll start tell you more about my outfit here now :)
Feeling dreamy and princessy in this kind of look, I got this blue lace dress from @postmodepremiere (instagram acc), and you can find Post Mode outlets in some big cities in Indonesia, like Surabaya, Semarang, Yogyakarta or Solo too! They got many pretty collections, so better you spare a time to visit their stores or check the Ig's account <3 The prices are affordable too as well, started around $10 only!

Blue Dress- Postmode Premiere
Bucket Bag- Traditionalle
Watch- Lanccelot
Heels- Velvet at Zalora Indonesia

Do you like me when I'm dressing femininely like this? Or you prefer more casual and 'street style' look? You may tell me your suggestions on the comment section down below :D
Thank you so much for visiting my blog even I just had a quite long absent here hahaha, I wish you'll miss me here, tho...hahaha
Don't mind to follow my instagram account @milka.amelia for more updates about outfit, lifestyle and beauty from Milka!



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